Alright, let’s talk about something I wrestled with for a long time – this idea of ‘toxic attraction’. It wasn’t like a switch flipped; it was more like slowly realizing I kept stepping in the same puddle, over and over again.
It started, I guess, when I looked back at a few past relationships, even some close friendships. I noticed a pattern. There was always a lot of drama, high highs and really low lows. It felt exciting, sure, but mostly it just felt… draining. Like I was always on edge, always trying to fix something or someone.
Getting Real with Myself
The first real step was admitting it. That sounds simple, but man, it wasn’t. It’s hard to look yourself in the mirror and say, “Okay, I seem to be drawn to situations that aren’t actually good for me.” I spent some time just sitting with that, not judging, just observing. Why did the chaos feel familiar? Why did calm feel… boring?
I started paying attention to my gut feelings. You know, that little voice or feeling in your stomach when something feels off? I’d been ignoring it for years, usually because the ‘excitement’ was louder. So, I decided to start listening to that quiet voice first.
Making Changes, Small Steps
This wasn’t about blaming anyone else. It was about figuring out my part in it. What was I getting out of these dynamics?
- I realized I confused intensity with intimacy. Big fights and dramatic make-ups felt like deep connection, but they weren’t.
- I had to work on my own self-worth. Believing I deserved peace and stability, not just constant ups and downs.
- I started setting boundaries. This was huge. Saying “no” more often. Not jumping in to rescue people. Not getting sucked into arguments that went nowhere.
It felt awkward at first. Sometimes people didn’t like the new boundaries. Some relationships faded away, and honestly, that was okay. It showed me they weren’t healthy to begin with.
The Process, Not Perfection
I wish I could say I figured it all out instantly and never looked back. Nah, it didn’t work like that. There were times I slipped, got drawn towards old patterns. But the difference was, now I could see it happening much faster. I recognized the signs. Instead of diving in, I could pause, think, and choose differently.
I started focusing on what actually felt good long-term: respect, kindness, consistency, feeling safe. It wasn’t always thrilling like the old days, but it was solid. It felt like coming home to myself.
So yeah, that’s my journey with it. It was messy, took time, and involved a lot of honest self-reflection. It’s about recognizing the pull, understanding why it’s there for you, and then actively choosing a different path, even when it feels unfamiliar. It gets easier, and definitely more peaceful, the more you practice.
