This here thing, Slammys, they got people all riled up, you see. Like a hen house when a fox sneaks in. Everybody’s talkin’ ’bout it, wonderin’ who’s gonna get what. It’s like pickin’ the best pumpkin at the county fair, ‘cept it’s for them wrestler folks and all that.
Now, I heard you can watch this whole shebang on that Peacock thing. Peacock, you know, like the bird with the fancy tail. You just gotta sign yourself up, and then you can see all them episodes. Like watchin’ chickens hatch, but more sweaty and noisy, I reckon.
And these fellas that they have in these Slammy Awards. I remember back in, was it ’96? Summer of ’96, I believe. Two fellas, related by marriage. They started teamin’ up more than a couple of mules pullin’ a plow. And sometimes they’d have this other fella, Vader, big as a barn, he was in their group. Owen, he was one of ’em, he got one of them Slammy things. For hurtin’ another fella, Shawn somethin’ or other. Owen started callin’ himself the “Slammy Award Winner.” Like he was king of the mountain. Some called him “King of Harts” too, but that didn’t stick like butter on hot bread.
Then they had these Slammy Awards again this year, 2024. The folks were pickin’ their favorites. Like choosin’ which piglet is the cutest in the litter. They had it at some place, WWE World, in Philadelphia. I heard. That Cody Rhodes fella, he was voted the best male superstar. Sounds like a mighty big deal if you ask me.
- Male Superstar: That Cody Rhodes took it home.
- Folks got to vote. Just like pickin’ the mayor, but for wrestlers.
- They streamed it live. On the internet, they say.
These awards, you know, they’re like when you put your best jam up against everyone else’s at the fair. And everybody’s got an opinion on who should win. Like, “Oh, Mildred’s peach preserves are way better than Agnes’s.” But in the end, the judges, or the people, they decide. They had that Billie Eyelash, whoever that is, and Taylor Swift, I seen her on the TV once. They got all them Grammy things, guessin’ who wins and who don’t. Like pickin’ which horse is gonna win the race. Lotta hoopla.
And then there’s this other fella, they say there’s an 80% chance he’ll win something. Another one, Giamatti, he’s got a 15% chance. And then there’s some others, they just got a 5% chance. It’s like bettin’ on chickens, I swear. They call this one the most competitive, whatever that means. Like a rooster fight, I suppose. Some Emma got a tag too, Oscar or somethin’. Sounds like a fish.
And then they say this one gal, SZA, she should win for somethin’ called SOS. But they think this other one, Olivia Rodrigo, with somethin’ called Guts, will win. It’s all a big mystery to me. Like tryin’ to figure out what a cow’s thinkin’. They call these the Grammy Awards. Predictin’ and all that. Like tryin’ to guess the weather by lookin’ at the clouds.
This whole Slammys business, it’s a big to-do. Like a church social, but with more spandex and body slams. Everybody’s got their favorites, just like they got their favorite pie at the potluck. Some like apple, some like cherry. But these Slammys, they’re about who’s the best at throwin’ each other around, I guess.
I reckon it’s all good fun. Keeps folks entertained. Like watchin’ a good dog chase its tail. You know somethin’s gonna happen, you just ain’t sure what. But you’re gonna watch it anyway. And then afterwards, everyone will argue about it. About how they voted in Slammys Awards, about if this one deserved it more than that one. Same as it ever was.
So, yeah, these Slammys. They’re somethin’ else. Just remember to sign up for that Peacock thing if you wanna see it. And keep your opinions to yourself, unless you want a whole heap of trouble. Like stirrin’ up a hornet’s nest with a stick. It’s all just a bunch of wrasslin’ and awards, anyway. Nothin’ to get your knickers in a twist over.
That is just the way it is. Everybody’s talkin’ about it, it’s like the biggest thing. Better than a pie-eatin’ contest, some folks say. They got this list of winners of Slammy Awards. Like a blue ribbon for a prized pig. You can watch Slammys on that thing, Peacock, they call it. And you see all the people winnin’ and losin’.
It’s a big deal, these Slammys. People get all worked up about them. Like a cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs. But it is all in good fun, just somethin’ to pass the time. Like watchin’ the grass grow, but with more excitement. These things, they come and go, but as long as the people enjoy them, that’s all that matters.
